Everyone knows how to avoid an affair, right? Well yes, it seems pretty clear that you shouldn’t grab a hotel room with someone you’re not married to, but what about before that? What are the basic things you should avoid doing if you want to stay faithful to your spouse forever?
I’ve compiled a list for you:
- Don’t have friends of the opposite sex that your spouse doesn’t know about.
- Don’t spend time alone (which seems strangely similar to a “date”, right?) with friends of the opposite sex. The conversation may seem like small talk at first, but you will both begin to share more and more personal information with each other. If it even occurs to you to set up a tete-a-tete with a friend of the opposite sex, you are probably feeling lonely in your marriage. This is a red flag for your relationship.
- Don’t have drinks alone with a coworker or stranger of the opposite sex on a business trip. It isn’t “networking.” It’s foolishly setting yourself up. 36% of affairs occur on business trips. (One night stands count as affairs.)
- Avoid touching friends of the opposite sex. Touch assumes another level of familiarity. (Obviously, you would still greet them and say goodbye according to your social norms.)
- Avoid regularly (or ever) carpooling alone with someone of the opposite sex.
- Don’t give compliments to someone of the opposite sex that you wouldn’t want your spouse to hear.
- Avoid sharing very personal information about yourself with someone other than your spouse. This is something that can happen gradually over time. It is a huge risk to your being faithful to your spouse.
- Don’t complain about your spouse to someone of the opposite sex. Similarly, don’t be the listening ear for someone else to complain about their spouse. Instead, be the person who always stands up for the best about your spouse and other people’s spouses. For example, when a coworker says, “My wife keeps nagging me to start exercising. I’m so sick of her bugging me about it.” You can say, “I can see your wife loves you a lot. Otherwise, she wouldn’t care what you did with your health. She must want you to live forever.”
- Never complain about your sex life to someone of the opposite sex.
- Never make sexual jokes or innuendos. You will get a reputation as being someone who always has “sex on the brain.” It will make you an easy target for someone who is looking for a sexual encounter.
- Women, don’t dress to be the sexiest woman in the room. There’s a difference between looking good and looking like you want attention.
- Men, keep your eyes on her face. She will notice if you do otherwise and infer that you are interested.
- Avoid singles bars, strip clubs, and places that are known for finding hook ups. (Did I really have to mention this one?)
- Avoid ruminating about another person. Tell your spouse if you often think about a particular friend or coworker. Saying it out loud will help dispel some of the mental obsession.
- Acknowledge attraction to another person out loud. Tell your spouse if you find someone you know particularly attractive to you. Again, saying it out loud will help to dispel some of the emotion and attraction that comes from having a secret crush.
- Don’t do porn. Seriously, it’s not harmless; it’s a step in the wrong direction.
- Make sure your spouse knows all of your passwords on all of your devices. This goes for every single account you have. No exceptions. Got it?
- Don’t have phone numbers, email accounts, credit cards, or bank accounts your spouse doesn’t know about.
- Don’t flirt. It sends the wrong message. You want your character to be above reproach.
- Don’t make yourself indispensable to someone of the opposite sex.
This list is not full of difficult ideas that will be hard for you to implement. They are natural detriments to a healthy relationship that you are most likely already trying to avoid. If you have already crossed the line on some of these items, there’s no time like the present to make things right.
If you are in the midst of an affair, or have had an affair that your spouse doesn’t know about yet, please call Andy and me for a free 30 minute discussion. We’d love to help you determine your next steps. No judgment, just help. 614-364-4899
Or, join us on a free group call on August 25, 2017.