How could I have done something so stupid? What was I thinking? What kind of man would betray the one woman he committed himself to for the rest of his life? Why did I risk everything I valued for something so fleeting and meaningless as an affair? Why did I betray my morals and my beliefs? Why was I so callous and selfish? How could I be capable of such an evil act and of inflicting such a devastating wound on someone I love? What kind of a monster am I? Why did he cheat on me? Was something missing […]

You just found out your friend’s spouse cheated on her. It’s horrible. It’s awkward. Your heart goes out to her. You’re furious with her husband because you love your friend. You want to be helpful, but you don’t know what to say. Here are a few things you should definitely NOT say. “You should totally divorce him!” or “I know a good divorce lawyer you should call.” If you say something like this you are honestly trying to help a betrayed friend through her hurt. You’re trying to help her solve her situation and move past the hurt as quickly […]

In the last two posts, we considered the oft repeated sentence, “I love you, but I’m no longer ‘in love’ with you.” Unfortunately, many stories that begin with that sentence end in divorce. The assumption is that if the initial passion, romance, and energy is gone then the relationship is doomed for a lifetime of drudgery. Given that fate, divorce does seem like the better option. However, many couples have experienced a “lull” after the infatuated, chemically driven love of the early years dissipates and they’ve successfully found their way to the mature and deeper love that comes with intimacy, […]

In my last post, “I love you, but I’m not ‘in love’ with you,” we examined the emotional, relational, and even neurochemical dynamics that are in play when a person makes this statement. For him or her, the spark is out, the butterflies are no longer fluttering in his or her stomach, the heart throbbing has stopped, and all of the excitement and anticipation is gone from the relationship. We pointed out that when a couple falls “in love,” there are powerful chemicals at work. These chemicals (or neurochemicals) serve a vital role in bringing the couple together, rewarding them […]