As the date of your affair Discovery Day (Dday) approaches on the calendar, you feel that all too familiar knot in your stomach. You start to obsessively think about the affair again. You get agitated and depressed and angry all over again. You are not alone in dreading the anniversary of the day you discovered your spouse’s affair. You can’t stop the day from coming and you can’t make yourself forget the date when your world fell apart. What can you do to make your feelings surrounding Dday better? 1. You can reframe the day in your mind. Instead of […]

Father God, I really struggled to have joy after the affair. Of all the emotions I felt, joy was the furthest thing from my mind most of the time. So when I read your word and saw that I’m supposed to have joy when I face various trials, it made me really confused. How is that possible? How could I be joyful when I’m bawling my eyes out? But I think I’m starting to make some progress with it now. I’ve been praying to you for comfort and wisdom and peace. I’ve been learning so much about you since the […]

You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do. For whatever reason, your spouse doesn’t want to heal the marriage. That doesn’t mean you can never get healing on your own.. It’s important that you do several things for your healing. Grieve You will feel all kinds of emotions as you grieve. Shock, anger, sadness, denial, and many other emotions mixed in as well. Some of them will pass more quickly than others. Some of them will be easier than others to express. It’s important that you allow yourself to feel these emotions. There is no timeline for […]

It’s very important for the betrayer to answer all the questions of the betrayed spouse. Having answers helps calm the obsessive thoughts of the betrayed. Being truthful and honest about the affair also helps the betrayer begin to rebuild some credibility. Oftentimes, the same question will be asked over and over again by the betrayed spouse and it’s important for the betrayer to answer the same question over and over as if it’s the first time. This needs to happen for as long as the betrayed partner needs it to happen. There are some good reasons for this, but I […]