In order to grow your relationship, you and your partner will each need to communicate in a sensitive, loving way. You may feel very far from being able to do that right now, but Becky and I have come up with a simple way of approaching conversations, called “HELP ME” conversations. This template gives us a platform for replacing negative communication which tears down with positive communication which builds up. When we communicate with one other, we seek to communicate with: Honesty Emotion Listening Presence Mirroring Empathy HELP ME conversations will help you better understand your spouse better and help […]

It’s not uncommon for women who have been betrayed to be single and without any hint of a romantic relationship for a long time after the affair and divorce. Sometimes the infidelity leaves a woman so wounded that she simply has no desire to try dating again. Sometimes a woman’s marriage was so toxic and hurtful that she is perfectly content without a man in her life. But for many betrayed, now-single women, it’s a different story. They would like to begin dating again. They would be flattered and interested if a man began to pay attention to them. So […]

Previously, we’ve talked about the oft repeated sentence, “I love you, but I’m no longer ‘in love’ with you.”  The assumption is that if the initial passion, romance, and energy is gone then the relationship is doomed for a lifetime of drudgery. Given that fate, divorce does seem like the better option. Many couples have had a “lull” after the infatuated, chemically driven love of the early years dissipates and they’ve successfully found their way to the mature and deeper love that comes with intimacy, trust, and commitment. Not all couples will experience this lull. Some will successfully make the […]

We each have a “Trust Bank” inside of us with accounts for every person we know. Our interactions with other people lead to “trust deposits” or “trust withdrawals.” The more we interact with people the more opportunities they (and we) have to make deposits or withdrawals. This determines how much “credit” they have with us. This also determines if we can lend them more trust or not. When we first married our partners, we each had a certain amount of capital that had built up in that bank. A lot of this trust was “credit” based on assumptions. However, as […]