One of the things that makes infidelity so unbearable is the intense grief that accompanies it. That may sound obvious. But you may be one of the many people who go through life up to that point with relative stability. The infidelity can be the most severe feeling of loss that you have ever experienced. You find that you are underprepared for the onslaught of emotions that you incur upon discovering the affair. It’s hard to understand the surge of emotions (or perhaps non-emotion at first) that you are feeling. What is going on with you? Why do you feel […]

Your spouse cheated on you and now it’s Christmas time. There are family get-togethers and parties with friends. You’re expected to go to these events. You probably will. But how will you survive them now that there is a black cloud of betrayal hanging over your head every day? Your situation could have two scenarios. 1) The people in your social circle know about the affair. 2) The people in your social circle don’t know about the affair. A third scenario would be that only some of the people at a particular get-together know about the affair, but the solutions […]

I read an affair recovery forum the other day where a woman was asking for advice about what gift she should buy for her unfaithful husband for Christmas. Their relationship is not yet mended. She was uninspired to buy anything, but she didn’t want to make the kids wonder why she didn’t buy their dad a gift. Lots of people commented with bland suggestions. Lots of people commented with snarky suggestions. I wonder what she’ll end up buying? “What does my spouse want for Christmas?” is a question no unfaithful spouse should ever need to ask. The list is very […]

It’s the holiday season and you’re in the middle of a personal relationship crisis. How are you going to make it through the season? It will be difficult. The holidays are a high stress, high-energy time of year and that’s the last thing you need right now. Your pain is real. The stress of the season is real. I wish I could snap my fingers and solve it all for you, but let me at least give you three strategies that will help you navigate your way through the season. (Be sure to read to the end for some extra […]

One of the biggest complaints that we hear over and over again is that the unfaithful spouse refuses to talk about the affair or answer any questions about it. It makes sense. No one wants to talk about their mistakes. No one wants to rehearse the details of their bad choices. But if you are the unfaithful spouse, please understand how important it is for you and your spouse to engage in these difficult conversations about the affair. Your spouse has just received a fatal blow. She was expecting loyalty, security, and exclusivity in your marriage. To receive the news […]

Have you ever had the experience of dining at a new restaurant and being completely underwhelmed? Maybe a friend told you how great the food and atmosphere was. She went on and on about the entrees and the exceptional service. Your hopes were really high and you couldn’t wait to order the chocolate mocha mousse she raved about. But the night you visited, you were seated in a dark little corner, the server got your order wrong, your entree was overcooked, and they had just run out of chocolate mocha mousse! You were NOT happy! You had extremely high expectations […]

Last weekend I attended an event that I can already tell will be one of the most pivotal moments in my life. It was called the Igniting Souls Conference. Kary Oberbrunner and David Branderhorst hosted the conference. I attended because Kary and David have already accomplished what I want to accomplish. They have been generous with me over the last few months with their advice and time. I have watched them interact with their tribe and found them to have the same concern and commitment for their people that I want to have with mine. They have an approach to […]

When God created man it is said he formed him from the dust of the ground and breathed into his body the breath of life, and the man became a living being (Gen. 2:7). We each have both physical and spiritual qualities about us. We have that which is made from the dust and we have that which was breathed into us by God. As bipartite beings made of both flesh and spirit, we are still, however, a unit. We are holistic. There is a mind-body connection. In other words, when I am experiencing physical pain, or sickness, or discomfort […]

Resentment. The longer you live the more and more opportunities you have to feel resentment toward someone. It’s a feeling that betrayed individuals are especially prone to. What exactly is resentment all about? Re- means “again.” -Sentment is like the word “sentiment” which means “to feel.” So resentment means to feel again. And for most people, it means to feel again and again and again and again….We can literally have resentment every day until the day we die. Resentment is a hard feeling to overcome because it can make you feel better about yourself. You have been wronged. Because of […]

Do you think your wife is pretty? Do you tell her you think she is? Does your husband provide well for your family? Do you tell him how much you appreciate all of his hard work to provide? It’s so easy to neglect saying the kind things you’re thinking about your spouse. Honestly, it’s easy to forget to think nice things about your spouse after a while. Not because you’re angry with them, but simply because they can become a part of the scenery. You see them, but you don’t see them. Or, they can become like part of the […]