In order to grow your relationship, you and your partner will each need to communicate in a sensitive, loving way. You may feel very far from being able to do that right now, but Becky and I have come up with a simple way of approaching conversations, called “HELP ME” conversations. This template gives us a platform for replacing negative communication which tears down with positive communication which builds up. When we communicate with one other, we seek to communicate with: Honesty Emotion Listening Presence Mirroring Empathy HELP ME conversations will help you better understand your spouse better and help […]

Previously, we’ve talked about the oft repeated sentence, “I love you, but I’m no longer ‘in love’ with you.”  The assumption is that if the initial passion, romance, and energy is gone then the relationship is doomed for a lifetime of drudgery. Given that fate, divorce does seem like the better option. Many couples have had a “lull” after the infatuated, chemically driven love of the early years dissipates and they’ve successfully found their way to the mature and deeper love that comes with intimacy, trust, and commitment. Not all couples will experience this lull. Some will successfully make the […]

Sometimes you know your marriage needs some changes. You and your spouse both have a general feeling that things could be better, but the way to improve things isn’t clear to either or you. Often, your marriage doesn’t need a gigantic change, it would benefit by a few simple tweaks. Here are some ideas of a few things that you and your spouse could stand to do a little more of and a little less of. A little more … Eye contact Life can get so busy that we speak to each other in passing and hardly spend a meaningful […]

What have you been assuming will “just take care of itself” in your marriage? What have you been avoiding talking about in your marriage? What habits exist in your marriage that you need to break? What new practices do you need to add to your marriage? These are potentially life-changing questions you need to be asking yourself. If you don’t make changes in your marriage today, when will you? Will you wake up together in twenty years and wonder why things are still just ho-hum and not amazing? (Do you even believe that your marriage can be amazing?) Will you […]

It’s the holiday season and you’re in the middle of a personal relationship crisis. How are you going to make it through the season? It will be difficult. The holidays are a high stress, high-energy time of year and that’s the last thing you need right now. Your pain is real. The stress of the season is real. I wish I could snap my fingers and solve it all for you, but let me at least give you three strategies that will help you navigate your way through the season. (Be sure to read to the end for some extra […]

Have you ever had the experience of dining at a new restaurant and being completely underwhelmed? Maybe a friend told you how great the food and atmosphere was. She went on and on about the entrees and the exceptional service. Your hopes were really high and you couldn’t wait to order the chocolate mocha mousse she raved about. But the night you visited, you were seated in a dark little corner, the server got your order wrong, your entree was overcooked, and they had just run out of chocolate mocha mousse! You were NOT happy! You had extremely high expectations […]

Resentment. The longer you live the more and more opportunities you have to feel resentment toward someone. It’s a feeling that betrayed individuals are especially prone to. What exactly is resentment all about? Re- means “again.” -Sentment is like the word “sentiment” which means “to feel.” So resentment means to feel again. And for most people, it means to feel again and again and again and again….We can literally have resentment every day until the day we die. Resentment is a hard feeling to overcome because it can make you feel better about yourself. You have been wronged. Because of […]

Do you think your wife is pretty? Do you tell her you think she is? Does your husband provide well for your family? Do you tell him how much you appreciate all of his hard work to provide? It’s so easy to neglect saying the kind things you’re thinking about your spouse. Honestly, it’s easy to forget to think nice things about your spouse after a while. Not because you’re angry with them, but simply because they can become a part of the scenery. You see them, but you don’t see them. Or, they can become like part of the […]

Leisure–what’s that? Hobbies–who has time? Fun–maybe we can plan a week for it this summer? As a functioning member of the world’s population in 2017, there is an extremely high percentage that you feel overwhelmed and under fulfilled with your life. When that happens, it has a huge effect on your marriage and you are very likely to attribute the flaws in your life to your marriage. Take Deanna and Greg, for example. After work, Deanna picks the kids up from the sitter. She takes one to piano lessons and the other to soccer practice. When both activities are over […]

The internet has provided a whole new world of opportunities when it comes to advances in knowledge, communication, and productivity. I can still remember sitting in my 9th grade homeroom and hearing about something called “The Information Superhighway.” I had no idea back then how pervasive this “Superhighway” would soon become and what an integral part it would play in our everyday lives. A large part of our lives are lived online and most of our connections, networking, relationships, and communications happen via email, texting, or social media. The internet has also provided a whole new world of opportunities when […]