In order to grow your relationship, you and your partner will each need to communicate in a sensitive, loving way. You may feel very far from being able to do that right now, but Becky and I have come up with a simple way of approaching conversations, called “HELP ME” conversations. This template gives us a platform for replacing negative communication which tears down with positive communication which builds up. When we communicate with one other, we seek to communicate with: Honesty Emotion Listening Presence Mirroring Empathy HELP ME conversations will help you better understand your spouse better and help […]

One of the biggest complaints that we hear over and over again is that the unfaithful spouse refuses to talk about the affair or answer any questions about it. It makes sense. No one wants to talk about their mistakes. No one wants to rehearse the details of their bad choices. But if you are the unfaithful spouse, please understand how important it is for you and your spouse to engage in these difficult conversations about the affair. Your spouse has just received a fatal blow. She was expecting loyalty, security, and exclusivity in your marriage. To receive the news […]

The internet has provided a whole new world of opportunities when it comes to advances in knowledge, communication, and productivity. I can still remember sitting in my 9th grade homeroom and hearing about something called “The Information Superhighway.” I had no idea back then how pervasive this “Superhighway” would soon become and what an integral part it would play in our everyday lives. A large part of our lives are lived online and most of our connections, networking, relationships, and communications happen via email, texting, or social media. The internet has also provided a whole new world of opportunities when […]

Do you ever find yourself eager to get to work so that you can talk to your coworker? Or, have you noticed that there is a particular coworker who seeks you out to talk to? Maybe you think about him while you’re getting ready in the morning and choose to wear the dress he complimented you on the other day. Or, maybe you know she’ll be at your lunch meeting and you splash on a little more cologne. Not that you necessarily sought out the attention of this person because you were attracted to him, or vice versa. But somehow, […]

Betrayed spouses have a lot to say. I know. I had a LOT to say! But there are also many things you want and emotionally need to know from him or her. Even though it would feel so good  to just open your mouth and let all your words and emotions rage on your spouse, and even though you believe to the depths of your soul that he or she needs to hear what you are burning to say, unleashing your fury is a self-defeating approach. Yes, there was a lot I could have said, but I didn’t. When you’re […]

Learning that your spouse cheated on you is one of the most painful experiences you could ever have. But thinking that the marriage may be over can be even more painful. How can you know if the marriage is salvageable? How can you dare to hope that the two of you will recover? There are a myriad of complex factors in every situation. But we have seen marriages recover in the following four situations. You still love this person, even though he or she hurt you. Love isn’t just an irrational emotion. It’s built on something. It’s built on knowing […]

You say you want your spouse to talk to you about the affair. You have questions that you need answered for your own sanity and healing. But it seems like the two of you can never have an adequate or meaningful conversation about the affair. You’re starting to feel like your affair recovery is hindered because of his hang-ups with opening up about it. Are you sure that you aren’t contributing to his reluctance to answer your questions? While you can’t control him and his willingness to talk about the affair, you can assess yourself and determine if you hinder […]