One of the things that makes infidelity so unbearable is the intense grief that accompanies it. That may sound obvious. But you may be one of the many people who go through life up to that point with relative stability. The infidelity can be the most severe feeling of loss that you have ever experienced. You find that you are underprepared for the onslaught of emotions that you incur upon discovering the affair. It’s hard to understand the surge of emotions (or perhaps non-emotion at first) that you are feeling. What is going on with you? Why do you feel […]

“When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you.” (Psalm 73:21-22) In part one of this post, I identified six emotional states that serve as triggers for “brutish and ignorant” behavior. When I consider times in my own life when I have been “out of my mind,” or when I find myself doing dumb things today that are out of step with the person I want to be, I can usually trace the threads back to moments like these. As I talk to men, I find […]

In part one, I wrote about the importance of focusing on being a whole, complete, secure individual (a “one”), before we can ever hope to find intimacy as a couple (a “two”). It is unfair and unrealistic to think that your spouse or your marriage will fix what is broken in you. In this post we will explore how learning these truths applies to 5 relationship scenarios. Application to Singles and Pre-Marrieds If you are single, please don’t move on to adding a two until you’ve gotten a grip on one. You certainly don’t have to be perfect before you […]