As the date of your affair Discovery Day (Dday) approaches on the calendar, you feel that all too familiar knot in your stomach. You start to obsessively think about the affair again. You get agitated and depressed and angry all over again. You are not alone in dreading the anniversary of the day you discovered your spouse’s affair. You can’t stop the day from coming and you can’t make yourself forget the date when your world fell apart. What can you do to make your feelings surrounding Dday better? 1. You can reframe the day in your mind. Instead of […]

You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do. For whatever reason, your spouse doesn’t want to heal the marriage. That doesn’t mean you can never get healing on your own.. It’s important that you do several things for your healing. Grieve You will feel all kinds of emotions as you grieve. Shock, anger, sadness, denial, and many other emotions mixed in as well. Some of them will pass more quickly than others. Some of them will be easier than others to express. It’s important that you allow yourself to feel these emotions. There is no timeline for […]

One of the biggest complaints that we hear over and over again is that the unfaithful spouse refuses to talk about the affair or answer any questions about it. It makes sense. No one wants to talk about their mistakes. No one wants to rehearse the details of their bad choices. But if you are the unfaithful spouse, please understand how important it is for you and your spouse to engage in these difficult conversations about the affair. Your spouse has just received a fatal blow. She was expecting loyalty, security, and exclusivity in your marriage. To receive the news […]

When you break your arm, you know you’re healed when the doctor removes the cast. When you have chicken pox, you know you’re healed when the spots go away. How do you know when you’ve healed from a broken heart associated with infidelity? I’ve listed several waypoints you can look at in your life to confirm that healing has taken place. I hope they will help you gauge your progress toward healing. But first, I want to draw your attention to some factors that do not necessarily confirm that healing has taken place. Time is not a factor. A friend […]