Previously, we’ve talked about the oft repeated sentence, “I love you, but I’m no longer ‘in love’ with you.”  The assumption is that if the initial passion, romance, and energy is gone then the relationship is doomed for a lifetime of drudgery. Given that fate, divorce does seem like the better option. Many couples have had a “lull” after the infatuated, chemically driven love of the early years dissipates and they’ve successfully found their way to the mature and deeper love that comes with intimacy, trust, and commitment. Not all couples will experience this lull. Some will successfully make the […]

In the last two posts, we considered the oft repeated sentence, “I love you, but I’m no longer ‘in love’ with you.” Unfortunately, many stories that begin with that sentence end in divorce. The assumption is that if the initial passion, romance, and energy is gone then the relationship is doomed for a lifetime of drudgery. Given that fate, divorce does seem like the better option. However, many couples have experienced a “lull” after the infatuated, chemically driven love of the early years dissipates and they’ve successfully found their way to the mature and deeper love that comes with intimacy, […]

In my last post, “I love you, but I’m not ‘in love’ with you,” we examined the emotional, relational, and even neurochemical dynamics that are in play when a person makes this statement. For him or her, the spark is out, the butterflies are no longer fluttering in his or her stomach, the heart throbbing has stopped, and all of the excitement and anticipation is gone from the relationship. We pointed out that when a couple falls “in love,” there are powerful chemicals at work. These chemicals (or neurochemicals) serve a vital role in bringing the couple together, rewarding them […]

Many divorces begin with the familiar line, “I love you, but I’m not ‘in love’ with you.” Those of us who help marriages in distress have heard these words more times than we care to recall. People who feel “out of love” think they’ve stumbled into some strange and unusual place of relationship failure from which there is no escape. Some are afraid they married the wrong person. They’re scared their love experiment with this particular person failed. Maybe, since now they understand themselves better, and they know their spouse better, they discover that they are incompatible. Or perhaps there’s […]