As the date of your affair Discovery Day (Dday) approaches on the calendar, you feel that all too familiar knot in your stomach. You start to obsessively think about the affair again. You get agitated and depressed and angry all over again. You are not alone in dreading the anniversary of the day you discovered your spouse’s affair. You can’t stop the day from coming and you can’t make yourself forget the date when your world fell apart. What can you do to make your feelings surrounding Dday better? 1. You can reframe the day in your mind. Instead of […]

Sometimes you know your marriage needs some changes. You and your spouse both have a general feeling that things could be better, but the way to improve things isn’t clear to either or you. Often, your marriage doesn’t need a gigantic change, it would benefit by a few simple tweaks. Here are some ideas of a few things that you and your spouse could stand to do a little more of and a little less of. A little more … Eye contact Life can get so busy that we speak to each other in passing and hardly spend a meaningful […]

What have you been assuming will “just take care of itself” in your marriage? What have you been avoiding talking about in your marriage? What habits exist in your marriage that you need to break? What new practices do you need to add to your marriage? These are potentially life-changing questions you need to be asking yourself. If you don’t make changes in your marriage today, when will you? Will you wake up together in twenty years and wonder why things are still just ho-hum and not amazing? (Do you even believe that your marriage can be amazing?) Will you […]

Do you think your wife is pretty? Do you tell her you think she is? Does your husband provide well for your family? Do you tell him how much you appreciate all of his hard work to provide? It’s so easy to neglect saying the kind things you’re thinking about your spouse. Honestly, it’s easy to forget to think nice things about your spouse after a while. Not because you’re angry with them, but simply because they can become a part of the scenery. You see them, but you don’t see them. Or, they can become like part of the […]

Everyone knows how to avoid an affair, right? Well yes, it seems pretty clear that you shouldn’t grab a hotel room with someone you’re not married to, but what about before that? What are the basic things you should avoid doing if you want to stay faithful to your spouse forever? I’ve compiled a list for you: Don’t have friends of the opposite sex that your spouse doesn’t know about. Don’t spend time alone (which seems strangely similar to a “date”, right?) with friends of the opposite sex. The conversation may seem like small talk at first, but you will […]

In the last two posts, we considered the oft repeated sentence, “I love you, but I’m no longer ‘in love’ with you.” Unfortunately, many stories that begin with that sentence end in divorce. The assumption is that if the initial passion, romance, and energy is gone then the relationship is doomed for a lifetime of drudgery. Given that fate, divorce does seem like the better option. However, many couples have experienced a “lull” after the infatuated, chemically driven love of the early years dissipates and they’ve successfully found their way to the mature and deeper love that comes with intimacy, […]

Many divorces begin with the familiar line, “I love you, but I’m not ‘in love’ with you.” Those of us who help marriages in distress have heard these words more times than we care to recall. People who feel “out of love” think they’ve stumbled into some strange and unusual place of relationship failure from which there is no escape. Some are afraid they married the wrong person. They’re scared their love experiment with this particular person failed. Maybe, since now they understand themselves better, and they know their spouse better, they discover that they are incompatible. Or perhaps there’s […]

Life is a struggle. From the process of birth to the last moments you draw breath. It takes effort and determination to come into this world and to stay alive and thrive in it. Everything you want in this life you will have to work hard for. What is worth struggling for? What is not? Where should you invest your efforts to get what you really desire out of life? You get to choose what you want to struggle for. If you were to ask the average person what they consider to be essential for a good life, you would […]

Do you ever find yourself eager to get to work so that you can talk to your coworker? Or, have you noticed that there is a particular coworker who seeks you out to talk to? Maybe you think about him while you’re getting ready in the morning and choose to wear the dress he complimented you on the other day. Or, maybe you know she’ll be at your lunch meeting and you splash on a little more cologne. Not that you necessarily sought out the attention of this person because you were attracted to him, or vice versa. But somehow, […]

Have you ever done something really stupid? Or do you know someone who has done something really stupid, or who is currently doing something really stupid? I’m not talking about the mistakes, blunders, mishaps, oversights, slip-ups, errors, and omissions that we commit on a daily basis. We all stumble in many ways due to our human limitations. We are all indebted to those who work with us, live with us, and who love us anyway for their grace and patience toward us. I’m not talking about the stupid purchase you made, or how dumb it was to lift that heavy […]